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Claire Harris
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HOW TO BE LOVED

Eva Habgerg Fisher

A Memoir of Lifesaving Friendship

HOW TO BE LOVED by Eva Hagberg Fisher is a memoir about how friendship saved her life during years spent floundering against an un-diagnosable, life-threatening illness, and shot through with thoughts on addiction, pain, love and marriage, and the female body.
Eva has been in and out of oncology units for the past three years, has been diagnosed (and misdiagnosed) countless times. When Adriann first met her, she was living in a tent in the Arizona desert getting ready to die.
But she didn’t die.
Looking back on an incredible three years that held her floundering against a mysterious, undiagnosable illness, she realized that she did not find grace in sickness, and she did not become a wiser soul because of her (many) brushes with death. Everything she learned—about herself, about life, about health—she learned through the staggering love of her friends.

Like Gail Caldwell’s bestselling memoir on friendship, LET’S TAKE THE LONG WAY HOME, Eva’s story is structured by illness but her disease is incidental to the broader story of friendship. This is a book about the people who sat beside her in waiting rooms, wore matching “Fuck Cancer” shirts to her oncology appointments, and cried with her when she was finally released without any follow-up appointments.
Through chapters focused on the individuals who taught her how to open her heart, HOW TO BE LOVED explores the myth of sickness and isolation in gorgeous, literary style, subverting the illness memoir as she breaks your heart.

Unlike other memoirs that focus on romantic partners coming together or breaking apart, this is a book for people who have ever loved a friend who was sick, grieving, or lost, and for people who have ever struggled to seek help or accept it.

Eva Hagberg Fisher is a writer, critic, scholar, and teacher. Her writing has appeared in Tin House, the New York Times, New York Times Magazine, Wallpaper, Wired, Architect, Dwell, among many other outlets. She is the author of It’s All In Your Head, a best-selling Kindle Single that was selected as one of the Best of the Year, two well-received books about architecture, and collaborations with design curator Paola Antonelli and the prestigious architecture firm Skidmore Owings & Merrill on their books. Her improbable love story was featured as a Vows column in the New York Times. With a diagnosis and a long life ahead of her, she is a lecturer and PhD candidate at University of California - Berkeley.
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Book

Published 2019-02-01 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

Book

Published 2019-02-01 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

Comments

HOW TO BE LOVED bravely illuminates the widely shared experiences of addiction, illness, sex, love and friendship, with a level of depth and intimacy that brought me to the brink of existential fear while making me laugh out loud. . . . I highly recommend this book to anyone who's ever been reassured that 'everything will be fine' when they really want others to honor the terror that maybe it won't; and to anyone who's ever been brave enough to push through that terror - as a patient, caretaker, friend or loverto what lies on the other side.

Eva Hagberg Fisher is a gift to this world. Her astute understanding of the way we work as humans - and the way she can turn that understanding into compassion, love, and stories - is something to behold. I wish her to be my secret, but I know, as with all gifts, that they are best shared. To not have the world know her way with words, her use of language, and her beautiful and radical empathy would be a travesty. Her writing is necessary and heart-mending.

Eva Hagberg Fisher's story is the most beautiful sort of instruction manual. Through each harrowing, awkward, compelling, and heart-aching turn of the author's journey we glimpse the way a transformation is forged. Illness, addiction, and uncertainty are torments, but for some of us, asking for help can be the hardest challenge of all. This memoir is for us. It reminded me that every kind of healing is helped by the brave act of letting ourselves be loved. I would read it every day, if I could.

Most of us are taught to keep our innermost thoughts to ourselves, to bide our time with the hope that they may sort themselves into something more conventional, more palatable. Eva Hagberg Fisher's unforgettable memoir skillfully upends this concept: it shows us the great bravery and priceless value of reckoning openly with the emotions that feel too vulnerable to express, the relationships too happy-making to believe, the friendships too bolstering and vital to endanger with - the horror! - our well-earned gratitude. How to Be Loved is so much more than a stirring travelogue through the world of illness; it is a powerful look at how personal bonds make our lives healthier even when we may be too preoccupied - or too fearful - to appreciate them.

Eva Hagberg Fisher's captivating HOW TO BE LOVED is more than a coming-of-age memoir that moved me to tears it's also a fascinating medical mystery wrapped in a love story, but not the kind you're necessarily picturing. Hagberg Fisher shows us that the most deeply felt love isn't always romantic, that our chosen families can love us just as much (if not more) than our biological ones, and that sometimes, the hardest part of loving someone else is allowing them to love us back.