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HOW TO RAISE AN ADULT

Julie Lythcott-Haims

Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success

A provocative manifesto that exposes the detrimental effects of helicopter parenting and puts forth an alternative philosophy for raising self-sufficient young adults
Across a decade as Stanford University's Dean of Freshmen, Lythcott-Haims noticed a startling rise in parental involvement in students' lives. Every year, more parents were exerting control over students' academic work, extracurriculars, and career choices, often taking matters into their own hands rather than risk their child's failure or disappointment. Meanwhile, Lythcott-Haims encountered increasing numbers of students who, as a result of hyper-attentive parenting, lacked a strong sense of self and were poorly equipped to handle the demands of adult life. Alarmed—for the students, for their parents, and for society at large—she decided to fight back, with this book. In How to Raise an Adult, she draws on research, conversations with educators and employers, and her own insights as a mother and student dean to highlight the ways in which over-parenting harms children and their stressed-out parents. She identifies types of helicopter parents and, while empathizing with parents' universal worries, offers practical alternative strategies that underline the importance of allowing children to make their own mistakes and develop the resilience, resourcefulness, and inner determination necessary for success. Relevant to parents of toddlers as well as of twentysomethings, this book is a rallying cry for those who wish to ensure that the next generation can take charge of their own lives with competence and confidence. Julie Lythcott-Haims served as Dean of Freshmen and Undergraduate Advising for more than a decade at Stanford University, where she received the Dinkelspiel Award for her contributions to the undergraduate experience. A mother of two teenagers, she has spoken and written widely on the phenomenon of helicopter parenting, and her work has appeared on TEDx talks and in Forbes and the Chicago Tribune. She is pursuing an MFA in Creative Writing at California College of the Arts in San Francisco.
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Published 2015-06-09 by Herny Holt and Co.

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Have the good intentions of American parents gone awry? In this timely and bracing work, Julie Lythcott-Haims chronicles the many dangers of overparenting—from thwarting children’s growth to hurting their job prospects to damaging parents’ own well-being. Then she charts a smart, compassionate alternative approach that treats kids as wildflowers to be nourished rather than bonsai trees to be cultivated. For parents who want to foster hearty self-reliance instead of hollow self-esteem, How to Raise an Adult is the right book at the right time.

How to stop over-parenting your child: A new book taking America by storm accuses modern parents of damaging their children with excessive hand-holding. How did it come to this? Read more...

Overprotective parents are undermining children's chances, writes Julie Lythcott-Haims, who served as Stanford's dean of freshmen and undergraduate advising for more than a decade. Kids of hyperactive, "helicopter" parents, she observes, lack a strong sense of self and are poorly equipped to deal with life's demands. Allowing children to make their own mistakes is crucial; Lythcott-Haims lays out strategies for building resilience from a young age.

CBS "This Morning" talk on the book and Long-term risks of helicopter parenting... Read more...

Former Stanford dean of freshman and Palo Alto parent explores the harm of overbearing parents... the book offers in-depth history, research, anecdote and advice on, essentially, how to parent less.... Read more...

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Video Interwiew: Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of "How to Raise an Adult," explains how helicopter parenting can go haywire and how parents can prepare their children for success.

I've loved this book from the moment I saw the title. Julie Lythcott-Haims understands that the goal of parenting should be to raise autonomous adults, not have name-brand college admissions to brag about. Her double perspective—as a mother of teenagers and a former longtime freshman dean at Stanford—makes her uniquely equipped to show parents how to do exactly that. Wise, honest, compassionate, and deeply informed, How to Raise an Adult ought to be at the top of everybody's stack of parenting books.

Former Dean of Freshmen Julie Lythcott-Haims ’89 wrote “How to Raise an Adult” to warn against “helicopter parenting,” or, as she put in her book trailer, “holding… hands too much, too hard, too often.” Lythcott-Haims uses her 10 years at the University and her personal experience as a parent to detail the risks of children’s overdependence on their parents. The Daily sat down with Lythcott-Haims to discuss her opinions on helicopter parenting... Read more...

#8 New York Times Family Bestseller, August 2015 #22 Publishers Weekly Nonfiction Bestseller, Week of August 10 #9 New York Times Family Bestseller, July 2015 #4 New York Times Education Bestseller, October 2016

Lythcott-Haims presents a convincing vision of overprotected, overparented, overscheduled kids . . . . After presenting the problem in detail (through interviews with college admissions officers, educators, parents, and others), she offers a number of viable solutions . . . . This vigorous text will give parents the backup needed to make essential changes.

Overprotective parents are undermining children's chances, writes Julie Lythcott-Haims, who served as Stanford's dean of freshmen and undergraduate advising for more than a decade. Kids of hyperactive, "helicopter" parents, she observes, lack a strong sense of self and are poorly equipped to deal with life's demands. Allowing children to make their own mistakes is crucial; Lythcott-Haims lays out strategies for building resilience from a young age. Read more...

Leslie Turnbull: Today's parents, however, seem compelled to immerse themselves in the whole new-to-college experience, even down to stage-managing their kid's move-in and class registration down to the last detail. I asked Julie Lythcott-Haims, former dean of freshmen at Stanford University and author of the breakout parenting tome How to Raise an Adult, to help me understand the dynamics behind this shift. Her answers are both fascinating and (I hope) instructive for both parents and their college-student kids. Below, a lightly edited Q&A... Read more...

In her easy-to-read prose . . . . the author does a superb job of laying out the facts . . . . Her advice is sound and obviously much needed . . . if parents want to raise productive adults.

Julie Lythcott-Haims is a national treasure. She is a psychologist, sociologist, and anthropologist rolled into one, recording the attitudes and rituals of 21st-century smart kids who can’t tie their shoelaces—and of their anxious, hovering parents. Reminding us that we are charged with transforming children into adults capable of meeting the challenges of life head-on, Lythcott-Haims dispenses compassion and a good kick in the pants in equal and appropriate measure. Witty, wise, and dead-on, Lythcott-Haims is a tonic for what ails this generation of kids and parents. A must-read for every parent who senses that there is a healthier and saner way to raise our children.