IT TAKES ONE TO TANGO

This is a breezy, counter-intuitive relationship guide that does for marriage what the Tiger Mom did for parenting and Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird did for writing -- showing, through one therapist's first-hand account (but with real takeaways for any couple), how one partner can take the initiative and perform the work of relationship repair, no matter what the obstacles are.

The “it takes two” philosophy assumes that in a good marriage, both spouses will approach their differences with a collaborative spirit— that they’ll have the desire and ability to come to fair and satisfying agreements. So when couples are unable to get each other’s buy-in, many assume they’ve reached a dead end. Some give up and settle for a less-than-satisfying marriage. Some think the only way out is divorce. But Winifred Reilly, psychotherapist specializing in marital therapy and relationship issues, knows better.

IT TAKES ONE TO TANGO is a guide to creating significant change in a marriage, no matter how short-fused or provocative or seemingly impossible your partner. This is not a book about sacrificing your deepest hopes for your marriage or becoming a "surrended spouse" - far from it. It is a book that describes why marriage is difficult for all of us, without exception. None of us comes into marriage with all the tools we need for success, nor do we have a guidebook or a roadmap to make our journey easier. We simply hit the ground running, and despite our good intentions and optimism, for most of us, marriage is far more difficult to navigate than we expected. But that doesn't mean something is wrong; it simply means that marriage is a tough teacher and we all have plenty to learn.

Marital change begins internally, when one person works to become steadier and stronger. From this solid position, this book helps a spouse realize his/her potential to:

•Focus on her own ineffective behaviors and seek ways to revise them.
•Identify the“ big picture” issues that are at the basis of repetitive struggles—and learn how to unhook from them.
•Be less reactive, even—especially—in the face of her spouse’s provocations.
•Learn to soothe his own distress.
•Develop the strength and stamina to be the sole agent of change.

Combining psychological theory, practical advice, and personal narrative, It Takes One to Tango is a fresh and engaging guide that will empower those who choose to take a bold, proactive approach to creating a loving and lasting marriage.

Winifred M. Reilly, MA, MFT, is a psychotherapist specializing in marital therapy and relationship issues, with a private practice in Berkeley, CA. In her nearly thirty-four years of clinical practice she has treated hundreds of couples—many who are convinced they are headed for divorce. Ms. Reilly has been a guest lecturer on marriage and sexuality, and her writing has appeared on Huffington Post, The Good Men Project, XOJane, and on her blog, Speaking of Marriage.