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Mohrbooks Literary Agency
Sebastian Ritscher |
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PASSING JUDGMENT
Praise and Blame in Everyday Life
Our obsession with praise and blame begins soon after birth. Totally dependent on others, with an impulse to form loving attachments to those who respond to us, we rapidly learn the value of others’ praise, and to fear the terrifying consequences of blame.
Though we outgrow an infant’s dependence, we retain an interest in others’ judgments of us, and we ourselves develop what Terri Apter calls a “judgment meter,” so that in the first milliseconds of perceiving a person we not only automatically process information but also form an opinion, positive or negative. Awareness that we live, day by day, in the constant company of our judgments, both subliminal and conscious, both positive and negative, and that we constantly monitor the judgments of others, particularly those directed towards us, will vastly improve our ability to learn about our own personal needs, goals and values, to manage our biases, to tolerate others’ views and to make sense of our most powerful and often confusing responses to ourselves and to others.
Terri Apter is a writer, psychologist, and Fellow of Newnham College, Cambridge University. Her nine books include The Sister Knot and What Do You Want from Me? She lives in Cambridge, England.
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Published 2018-01-09 by W.W. Norton & Company, Inc. - New York (USA) |