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US

Terrence Real

Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship

Stop working on yourself as an individual and start working on your relationship as a couple, with the help of the renowned family therapist and bestselling author of The New Rules of Marriage - with a foreword by Bruce Springsteen.
You've probably heard some variation of the idea that before you can love someone else, you first have to learn to love yourself. Renowned family therapist and marriage counselor and bestselling author Terrence Real says that we've got it all wrong. In fact, the way to save your relationship is not by working on yourself, but instead by working together. Continuing to focus on yourself will just feed the problem, which is that most of us developed a set of techniques to survive our families that no longer serve us as adults. You can learn to tap into your wiser, more collaborative self. In this groundbreaking book, Real offers a new set of science-backed relational skills that have saved real marriages on the brink. Using psychology, history, and stories of actual couples who have entered his office, Real helps readers move beyond their traumas and stressors and shift from thinking in terms of me and you to a different consciousness. The consciousness of us. The Hail Mary family therapist for couples on the verge of divorce, Real teaches us how to speak up for ourselves with love and build solid, loving relationships that are authentic and interdependent. Terrence Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author. He founded the Relational Life Institute, offering workshops for couples, individuals, and parents along with a professional training program for clinicians to learn his Relational Life Therapy methodology. He is the bestselling author of I Don't Want to Talk About It, How Can I Get Through to You?, and The New Rules of Marriage.
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Published 2022-06-07 by Rodale

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The advice presented is practical, skill-based and will likely differ from similar guidebooks you may have read, which are traditionally based in cognitive behavioral therapy methods. Real practices relational life therapy, a method he developed that emphasizes honesty, assertiveness and passionate connection to the self and others. If it worked for The Boss, it might work for you. Read more...

...If you feel unheard in your relationship, underappreciated, overly controlled or lonely, Real offers a new way in this book to relate to your partner... The advice presented is practical, skill-based and will likely differ from similar guidebooks you may have read... Read more...

In his enveloping and insightful book, enlivened by examples from his practice, Real lays out how the patriarchal construct of relationships imprisons both men and women. Real implores us, no matter what type of relationship we're in, to give up the position of winning vs. losing and right vs. wrong. Power and dominance are the death of connection. Real is a natural storyteller, pointed, jovial, and funny. If you're struggling in your relationship and are open to hard truths, delivered with compassion and zero wasted time, Real is the ticket. Read more...

A beautiful and important book, particularly for the moment we are in.

Terrence Real's work is nothing short of miraculous. In his latest book, he delves with precision and wisdom into the dynamics of modern relationships - to yourself, your partner, and society. He offers practical tools to create and sustain healthy self-esteem and true closeness with others. His work has quite simply changed my life. Read this book. It could well change yours.

...insights are original and stirring... This approachable take on healing relationships will enlighten.

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Who are we, really? Terry Real powerfully offers a way to realize that we are both an internal Me and a relational We in this compelling guide to creating a liberated life of connection and meaning. This is a wonderful, wise, and witty book, filled with soul and practical advice that can inspire us to discover who we can become together.

Can an A-list couples guru who's helped Gwyneth Paltrow and Bradley Cooper stop me hating my husband? - Terry is known as the 'turnaround guy' and has rescued couples from the abyss - Actor Bradley Cooper and actress Gwyneth Paltrow rave about the couples guru - He is the man who coined the devastatingly true phrase 'normal marital hatred' - READ MORE: Relationship guru warns against getting engaged within weeks... Read more...

US is one of Apple's Most Anticipated of 2022 Read more...

In his previous books, Terry Real awakened us to the fact that most men are not relational. In Us, he not only elaborates on that thesis but, with the writing of a good novelist, brings his approach to transforming men and couples to life. Share this book with your partner and then talk about what it brings up. It may be one of the most painful but also important conversations of your life.

Terry Real is a wise, honest, and charming guide. This book is a roadmap for all of us who seek true intimacy. It is full of relationship tools that can help you transform or deepen the way you connect with and understand your partner. Reading US will also help you better understand yourself, your trauma and triggers, the patterns you tend to follow, and how you want to show up in the most important relationships in your life. Real's approach teaches us how to step outside of the culture of individualism and embrace our interconnectedness. We can use it to heal a single relationship and to shift our collective culture.

about Terry Real on Insta Read more...

Here's a conversation between Gwyneth Paltrow and Terry Real Read more...

A Couples' Counselor Takes On 'Normal Marital Hatred': In his new book, 'Us', Terrence Real explores how 'enlightened self interest' could save your relationship. Read more...

US by Terry Real has hit the New York Times Best Seller list at #8, Advice!!!!!

Love has the power to hurt us but it also has the power to heal us, and Terry Real shows us how in this revolutionary guide to happy, thriving couplehood. Chock full of wisdom, research, and innovative teachings from his decades of clinical work developing Relational Life Therapy, US is the book every human should read in order to truly understand not just their partners, but themselves.

Oprah's excerpt of Bruce Springsteen introduction Read more...

The New York Times, Interview with Terry Real Read more...

When I need advice, I call Terry Real. His decades of clinical experience, research and wisdom are invaluable to my patients, colleagues and friends. Us brings his advice to life. It is the book that we all need to read to create more thriving and intimate connections.